Harry Potter is the most magical thing I have laid eyes on in years.

Magical? Oh shock! Oh horror! I said the dreaded word!Magical! Oh my! The
ceiling just fell on my head! The windows have started to warp and my
keyboard just transmogrified into a pelican and waltzed off with my coffee
cup. I am bewitched. And happy.

Truly? It is great to see the youth embracing reading. They have spent most
of the past few years rotting in front of TV sets, mutating in front of
computer games, and losing touch with their own beautiful imaginations.
Even adults are getting back in touch with that lost skill of reading.

Only late in the fourth Harry Potter book is any reference to God made, in
that the character says "Good Lord". The lesson at the end of the first
book is that LOVE CONQUERS ALL. What a beautiful sentiment. Should we all
view that honest emotion with suspicion? Should we think it is a plot in
disguise? It seems to me that the writer of this condemnation of the books
actually worships another emotion - FEAR. He wishes to implant unfounded
fears in people. He wishes to 'rule by decree'. "Thou Shalt Fear What I
Tell Thee To Fear". I wonder if he has even read the books? Seems not, to
me.

The children who are quoted: I would be willing to bet that not one of them
exists. Or that not one of them ever said anything like that. Besides, who
wouldn't want to get back at a teacher who gave a bad grade? That sort of
sentiment is aeons old, long before Harry Potter, or JK Rowling, even
existed. Go on, read Dickens. See how 'bad' children are there. 'Oliver
Twist' has thieves appearing in it. Oh my God! Does that mean that every
child who reads 'Oliver Twist' rushes out and starts pickpocketing Pokemons
out of mall-rats' backpacks?

I am fairly sure too, that the high-priest of the Satan church in Salem,
was quite tanked when he was quoted - if he even exists, that is. What a
coincidence that he lives in Salem! Why Salem? Oh, because that's where all
the trouble with witchcraft originated in the US. Read Arthur Miller's 'The
Crucible', it's all there. I wonder if the God-squad had trouble with
Miller when he wrote that? Our erudite e-mail author has such a limited
imagination that he couldn't think of any other place to place the Satan
church... except in Salem. Shame. Blinkered by bigotry.

I wonder about the applicants to the Satan churches too. Imagine going into
your Monday maths class and moaning about how long the application form is
and that you have to fill it out in triplicate? Imagine too, the
commiserations of fellow-class mates who bewail the fact that they read the
Harry Potter books and now feeled hynotically compelled to face the endless
torture of waiting for their application to be processed. Heck, bureaucracy
is hellish enough without saying that the devil worshippers are processing
vast quantities of new recruits...

Let's move on to the 'quote' from JK Rowling herself. If you take the words
"idiotic Son Of God is a living hoax who will be humiliated when the rain
of fire comes" and enter them in a Google search, you come up with a whole
host of pages that refer to urban legends and crackpot 'Christianity'. I
mean no offence to real Christians by using quote marks like this. Real
Christians have nothing to fear if their faith is true.

Go to this link for more urban legend reading on this email
http://www.snopes2.com/humor/iftrue/potter.htm

In fact, reading this link will explain a whole lot more than I can. Enjoy!

Fi

PS. Pastor David J. Meyer of the "Last Trumpet Ministries International"?
Heck, I hope he takes off his blinkers and removes the stuffing from his
ears when the last trumpet sounds, cos he sure as shit ain't going to see
the heralds or hear the glory.

PPS. Some more 'conspiracy' reading can be found at
http://www.suntimes.co.za/2001/11/25/arts/ane01.asp
And a last quote from Barry Ronge's Sunday Times review of the movie last
Sunday: "As I watched the film, however, I wondered if any of the people
who condemn the Harry Potter books as snares set by Satanists to capture
innocent souls will have the courage to see the film. It will show them
just how wrong they are. It's a film about children whose magic comes from
overcoming fear, being loyal, making sacrifices and loving honestly. It's
positive, inspiring and loads of fun and you can't ask for much more than
that from a holiday movie. "

Let me tell you about our holiday. See, mommy and daddy get real jumpy if
they work all the time so they like to go other places to see stuff. If it
was just me I would call it a holiday when you can do what you like and eat
what you like, no matter where you are! But not them. So they decided to
take Gareth and me to Swadini. That's in the Northern Province where it's
always bloody hot. (Hey, don't look at me like that! It's mom's words not
mine!)

Mom packed a car full of food and clothes and dad was the driver. We left
our house while the birds were still in their pyjamas on Friday morning. I
think our dogs were sad to see us go because they didn't stop sniffing the
car while dad packed it. Dad and Gareth rode upfront and mom next to me
because she gets white knuckles and a really tight mouth when she rides
next to dad.

So we drove a bit and I had some biscuits. Also juice. Then I needed the
toilet and daddy said there weren't any toilets around so I must wee on the
grass! Who? ME? Wee on the grass? Never! I shouted at mommy that I only wee
on toilet, and I got cross with dad! Wee on the grass... what next? But
then it got real sore and daddy said that I would have to wee on the grass
by the roadside because we were miles from any toilets. I don't know what
the world is coming to, I tell you! No toilets for a girl to use? Anyway
Gareth offered to show me that I would not get my bum bit by a snake so we
stopped by the roadside. Mom took off my just-in-case nappy and held me up
over the grass so that i would not get messed, It worked! So I felt better
after that. Then we drove some more but I never saw it because I was
asleep.

Dad stopped at the Engen petrol station and we checked out their toilets.
Very nice and I could go properly here at least, with loo paper and
everything! Then I washed my hands and said bye to the attendant and we
went for Wimpy Burgers. I got a dinosaur puzzle in my Kids' Meal, mommy put
it together in the car when we drove. Everybody had their food and I also
had a h-u-g-e strawberry milkshake. then we drove more and I slept again.

When I woke we were at this place where there's no houses, not many cars,
but lots of grass and bushes and mountains. The silly people, in the office
where mom went inside, told her that we were too early and our bungalow
wasn't ready! Mom got a tight-looking face again, but dad said we would go
for a drive in the game reserve while they fixed our place up. So we went
up to the big dam called the Blydepoort Dam, and we had a little walk in
the fresh air and down to the view spot where we could look over and see
the water rushing out the dam with a big noise. When we walked I told daddy
to watch out for all the insects that were creeping round on the ground!
Lots of big ants and shongololos! Mom's got a thing about shongololos - she
always stops to look at them with their different colours and sizes.

After that we still had lots of time so we drove up to the visitors centre
which had nobody in it but a lady who works there and who was outside on
the verandah eating her lunch and talking to her friend. The place looks
out over the whole dam and you can see the hippo beach far far away on the
other side of the water. Dad said we should walk some more so we went down
this path called a trail all the way to the water's edge. There we took off
our sandals and paddled in the water. But we kept our eyes open in case
crocodiles or hippos would try munch us! Dad's good at skipping stones,
mommy has forgotten how, but Gareth hasn't a clue and couldn't do it!
Instead we got us two some sticks and had play fights on the pebbles.

Then we went back up to our car and drove back to the place called Swadini
to get our bungalow. It was very nice. Just like a little house for us.
With a TV and some beds and kitchen stuff and an aircon thank god (hey,
those are mom's words, you know!). I never found out what an aircon is
because mom said we didn't need one the weather was so mild.

We unpacked our stuff and then we went to have a swim. That pool was so
warm! But I didn't like it at all! Dad and mom took me in but it was still
very scary. Gareth loved it and so did the parents but I just stuck out my
bottom lip and refused to have fun! Why should I let them know they
succeeded in making it nice! Let them sweat a little and worry a lot!

After that we went back to our little house and me and Gareth played. And
you know what? We were standing there outside on the grass - it's very
scratchy with prickly bits - and next thing I see this b-i-g animal over
the road in the grey-brown bushes! So I went to go look! Like a big cow
only not so fat. Next minute dad starts yelling at me to come back away
from there. Gareth was saying the animals were kudu's but I wanted to know
from their own selves what they were! So I stuck out my lip and gave dad
my frowniest face and carried on going to the big kudu. She was a girl kudu
with no horns and she just kept watching me, and then munching the leaves
on the bushes. Then I stopped because I saw she was bigger than dad, and I
got scared. All off a sudden the kudu also got scared and she ran away. So
I went back to dad smiling as if I see stuff like this every day! He wasn't
impressed.

A bit later there were some funny spotted birds that came out the bush to
peck on the grass. Mom told me their names but it's hard to say. She said
they are called Guinea-Fowls but I couldn't say that and instead kept
saying "Gimme Towels"! Mom about fell over laughing at that!

Dad cooked some nice meat for us on the fire and mom made stuff to go with
the meat and we had stuff to drink. But I was too tired and mommy looked as
tired as me, so the whole family had an early night.

On Saturday we had us breakfast and went for a long walk by the river. We
had to step over the hippo fence. It's electric and stops the hippos
walking in the resort at night. Mom says they can bite people and are
dangerous. It was very cool under the trees in the river forest. We walked
quite a bit and then went to get some lunch so that we could go biking in
the afternoon. Gareth and mom had their own bikes and dad put me on the
back of his, but he got worried about the little seat on the back of the
bike, because we were only a bit away from the main office and I fell
asleep in the seat and kept wobbling all over, so dad said he would go back
and get my backpack that he carries me in. Me and mom and Gareth waited by
the roadside until dad came back. Mom got a bit jumpy because we were in
the wild bush and there were baboons down the road. Mom hates baboons more
than spiders and snakes and mosquitoes rolled into one! She kept picking up
stones and staring down the road at the baboons, and I think they got the
message cos they never bothered us. Dad came back with my backpack and put
me in that and I felt a lot safer because I could have a nap while he
worked hard pedalling!

We went very far on those bikes! To the bottom of the dam to see where the
water rushes out the blowholes and into the river, then up to the top where
we had been the day before, then along to the visitors centre again, and
another walk to see the view. It was very hot but lucky dad and Gareth and
me took off our tops to cool off. Mom had on her bikini top so she took off
her shirt to get cool. She said it felt very odd being in the bush in a
bikini!

The fun bit was that we had walked and pushed the bikes up lots of steep
hills, but now we were at the top we could freewheel back down all the way!
That was fast! Wow! Like in a car but feeling the wind all the way! Dad
went very fast but Gareth and mom went a bit slower. Mom waited a bit for
us to get ahead and then she let herself go and she raced very fast down
the hills. But she was moaning a bit about the saddle making her very sore
below! It sounded painful! And I think it is because she's still
complaining about it! A funny bit was when dad and me went flying past a
bunch of baboons and dad shouted "WAH!" at them! They got such a fright
they ran screeching into the bush and mommy nearly fell off her bike
laughing. Gareth DID fall off his bike laughing and we all had a good
giggle in the middle of nowhere. We cycled 13km on those bikes! Dad had
sore thighs and mom had a sore bum, but Gareth just had fun!

When we got back we had another swim in that big warm pool, then we went
back to the bungalow for supper. Dad was going to cook on the fire again
but the vervet monkeys were messing around outside our house. Gareth had to
go out and chase them off. Meanwhile dad bathed me. When mom walked out the
bathroom she suddenly started yelling "Shoo! Outta here!" and clapping her
hands! The monkeys had come inside the bungalow and were stealing food!
Mom went nuts and one monkey on top the fridge stole a banana and ran for
it. They also stole all the cheese and the last of the snack biscuits! Mom
was very angry and dad just said that the monkeys followed Gareth inside
because they thought he was inviting them. Gareth got cross at that! We
had our supper and mom couldn't stay awake so dad and Gareth went swimming
instead. Mom and I went to sleep. Mom was so tired she never even got woken
by the noisy airforce guys in the bungalow along the way from us!

Sunday we had breakfast and then we went by car up to another walk that
would take us to a waterfall. We parked the car and went into the cool
forest. All wet dripping trees because it had rained earlier, but we didn't
let that bother us! Dad had me in the backpack again and we looked at
strange thorny creepers and fuzzy mushrooms and big creepy crawly things.
The only sound was birds and the little stream. And then we found the most
beautiful place where the stream was a waterfall! The water came down fast
and into a cool pool below. Lots of rocks around and moss and stuff. Mom
said she would have loved to swim but that the water might have bilharzia
like the main river did, so she decided not to. We spent a long time there
and then walked back another way. It was beautiful and we saw termite heaps
higher than dad's head, and now and again there was a crashing noise in the
bush when some kind of buck would be surprised by us walking by. We also
saw some more "gimme towels", which set mom off again when I shouted it out
loud!

It was a nice walk and we went back to the resort to have a bite of lunch
and a swim. This time I decided I would have fun in the water and by the
time we got out the pool much later I was swimming easily with my armbands
and jumping in and out the water. I love making dad think that I can't do
something and then I show him how I "learn" things. When we were swimming
it rained quite hard but the water was so nice that we never bothered
getting out.

Then we went back and had supper. I was so tired I could not stay awake for
my after-dinner ice-cream! Mom was also sleepy so we went to bed.

In the morning we had to pack up and I was sad to see us go but dad said we
would get a nice tea along the way so I got in the car very easily. We
drove back along the pretty route, to see the Blyde River Canyon and all
the viewpoints like God's Window near Graskop. Along the way we stopped at
the roadside crafters' stalls and mom got a wood carving of a hippo for her
lounge table, and also a stone carving of a warthog. I got a little clay
"gimme towel" that I could play with! At lunch time we stopped to get
munchies in Pilgrim's Rest. I had a big milkshake, mom had tea and cream
scones, and dad has blackforest cake and coffee. Dad had a taste of mom's
scones, and said she'd made the better choice! She just laughed and said
she can't go through Pilgrim's Rest without her tea and scones to
celebrate.

We drove some more and I fell asleep until we got to the same petrol
station we'd had lunch at on the way down. I thought we were stopping for
burgers again and yelled to the lady behind the check out "There's MY
burger!" and pointed at he poster on the wall behind her! Mom said "No,"
but got us chips and juice instead so i was happy.

Then we drove back to Johannesburg and hit a real ugly hailstorm, in the
middle of rush-hour traffic. Dad was swearing and cursing because we kept
going past accidents with police and tow trucks blocking the roads. It took
us very long to get across town. Mom got a bit pale and edgy. She hates
traffic seriously. By the time we got home she had the mutters, bigtime,
and spent the rest of the evening all grumpy.

It was great fun! I hope we do something like this again next year.

Eloise

Hiya,

Thort you might like to know that me an' my mommy an' my daddy an' my
brutha are goin' on holerday tomorrow.

We's gonna be driving in the boring ole car down the boring ole road to go
see Oma and Unca Werner in Durban. It takes too long but there's nuthing
I can do about that.

Mom's gonna ride next to me so she can feed me endless supplies of juice
and bikkies. Dad's gonna drive and Gareth's going to navergate - wotever
that is... I think it means he's gonna get us lost the kwikest way possible.

We's gonna stop at the Wimpy along the way and I am gonna have a lime
milkshake and sum chips too. After that we will drive sum more and I think
I will throw a wobbly cos I will be bored - it will be necesry to break
the boredom.

When we get to the place where they stay I have been tort how to say
"Oma" by mom'n'dad and I think I will forget egzakly how right then - just
for the fun of it. Then Oma will think they's telling stories again.

Oma's got this cool liddel dog. She's called Steffi and she looks like a black
sausage. I think she's great cos she's the onliest dog what I can grab
hold of without getting drowned inna ton of drool. There's also the
'syko-dog' - at least that's mom'n'dad's name for it. The syko-dog is
fluffy and got hair the colour of mine. The syko-dog hates strangers and
my dad. The syko-dog thinks kids are cool though. But the syko-dog is
too fast for me and runs away when I chase her. Mom pretends that the
syko-dog does not exist. After all that there is also the brain-ded dog.
She's a bull-terrorist called Shana and mom always sez she's had a frontal
lobotommy to be able to live in that house. She's very good at stealing
vrot nappies and spare bits of undies and drags them outside and rips
'em up on the lawn. Oh, I forgot to tell - the syko-dog kills moles and
takes them to Oma to show - Oma gets cross and Unca Werner looks to
like he gonna throw up - every time!

Then there's the parrot. He's a bird, much like the turkey we taking with
us - but he's still alive - for the moment. I think he's called Baba, or was
that the one before this one, I forget... anyway... he makes noise like
the fone and that gets Oma cross. Then he calls the dogs for dinner when
it's still morning. He can talk lots of words, but he hates men. He bites
Unca Werner and daddy never sticks his finger in the cage, ever. I think
my brother Gareth maybe has a plan to teach him sum bad words. Gareth
does that kind of thing. But maybe Oma will take back Gareth's presents
if he does that.

When we are down there at Oma, mom will be cooking. She also has just
realised that if she is cooking it means she will also be cleaning and
doing dishes. I heard her mention that she must make sure she has her
medicine along with her. Sure she must, cos if she doesn't she will be
looking to stuff Oma and not the turkey. Dad has lotsa stuff in bottles
to take along - I think it's that filter stuff he's always talking about. He
sed it cuts out the background drone. Amazing, huh? That something in
a dark bottle can do that...

I heard mom say the other day that Oma and Unca Werner are garanteed
to have a fite while we are there. Mom sed that she will not be the ref this
time round and that they can both go sulk as much as they like. I wanna
see this - I need to refine the sulk-method...

Oma keeps fretting about where I am going to sleep cos mom'n'dad don't
wanna take along the camp-cot. Oma has found a special mattress that
was sposed to be the dog's bed and she has washed it a zillion times in
case it got bugs onnit. If it don't got bugs onnit I can remedy the situation
very kwik - I wll barf all my Krismis dinner onnit - easy-peasy. Gareth
usually sleeps under the dining room table inna tent thingy that Oma
makes for him, but this time he can't cos we will be using the table for
the Krismis dinner. Insted he's going to sleep in the sunporch at Unca
Werner's room. Unca Werner is going to suffer because Gareth knows how
to stay awake until 2 in the morning but Unca Werner is usually snoring by
9pm... Gareth better not wake up Unca Werner when he decides to go
to bed.

We sposed to be meeting Farther Krismis down there - I don't believe
that, cos Oma sez she don't got a Krismis tree and there's no chimbley
either. Besides, the syko-dog would go chase the raindeer all over the
front lawn... that's if Unca Werner would even let the old dude in, instead
of chasing away gift-bearers...

I hope the Old man brings me another doll. I can't find my other doll
Baba-Sue, but mom sed she's at Aunty Anna's so she's OK... I hope. There
better be another baba in that old guy's bag...

I got new shoes for when we go - my others got too tight. Umm... what
else... no, nothing. We sposed to be going to the beach when we down
there but mom doesn't like the idea, she sed we must stay and play in
Unca Werner's pool, but I figger the fishpond will be great to mess
with - it's got wonky bits of wire all stuck over it to stop the dogs chowing
the goldfish - mom sez that it looks more like a washing-up bowl than
a fishpond - I dunno, there's no washing in there, but there sure are fish!

Oh, one thing that puzzles me... when we are there Unca Werner always
goes to that big thing in the passage with 'lectric switches on it? And he
always switches the one thing on for a liddel bit then switches it off. When
I bath that switch makes me get hot water to splash in. I cannot figger
out why when mom goes to bath last she curses and mutters when she
gets in the bath. She always sez it's cold, but it's fine for me! Why's that?
After that she is in a bad mood. Very odd...

Unca Werner has a PeeCee but he doesn't have a ISP yet he still gets
e-mails. Mom doesn't know how, dad sez he can guess... I wonder how?

Well, that's all for now. Dad has promised to take me and Gareth to
Mickey-D's to play!

See you all after Krismis. I will look after my mommy as best I can...

Eloise, Empress of Mayhem.

It's as simple as taking time to walk with your child in the garden, talking to
them about what they see and hear and smell.

It's as simple as taking their 'jamas off in the morning as a game, and putting
on warm clothes as another game.

It's as simple as picking up that child when you are happy and dancing dancing
dancing around the kitchen with a giggling tot in your arms while the radio
belts out a real thumpy tune and the supper burns gently on the stove...

September 1997. London. Wimbledon to be precise.

A B&B in one of the terrace houses, run by a scatty red-haired Irishwoman from a
family of eleven, co-habiting with a computer-nerd MUCH younger than herself.

Edgar and I arrive separately at the house. He from Doncaster - the Germiston of
Yorkshire. Me from Auntie and Uncle in picturesque Wendover, near Oxford. Edgar had
been on business to Doncaster, and I'd been shown glorious England in mourning
for Princess Diana. We'd arrived the day after her funeral.

There was much "aaarr-ing" and "poor darrling gerrl"-ing from Kate, the
Landlady. She showed us the room upstairs at the back of the house and we
unpacked quickly and rushed out to "do" London before dark.

Much later that night we arrived back - trusty Kate had given us our own key so
we headed for a bath then bed.

And being South Africans, you know what we did?

Yep. We locked the bedroom door. Paranoia does not leave a South African when
s/he leaves South Africa!

So the next morning we woke and leapt out of bed to "do" more London.

Edgar went to open the door. And it was locked.

So he tried to flip the lever to unlock it. Lever? What lever? Where's the
freaking key?

No key. Oooo kak! Hunt for key on side tables, on bureau, on floor. No luck, no
key.

Edgar got shirty.

He: "Why is the door locked and there's no key."

Me: "Well, I never locked it last night. You did."

He: "Why the f*** didn't you see there was no key?"

Me: "Cos you locked it and should have seen by its design that it needs a key to
release the deadbolt."

And so it went. On and on. Me to blame when he's an engineer and should spot
that kind of thing at fifty paces.

We searched high and low. Kate, of course, being so trusting, would have gone
about her day thinking we were sleeping in!

So I told Edgar he'd better shout for her to get the key or a spare. Which he
absolutely hated doing. Anyway, we got her attention.

All this time I had been peering down out the window to see if, when we jumped,
we'd miss the birdbath and dovecote. And I got dressed anyway - what else do
you do?

Kate proceeded to tell us that the lock was only there for when a certain Libyan
princess would visit, and the princess's dad insisted that she have a lockable
room so that her virtue was maintained. (Like any princess-lover could scale up
the drainpipe next to the window...anyway...). Kate said no-one else ever used
the lock. So we told her but of course South Africans do. To which she replied
that the only South African she was used to was a policeman called Koos
(pronounced Coos, Irishly) from Kempton Park who would participate in some odd
sporting event each year at Earl's Court. He would leave behind ten-rand notes
which she thought was cool til we told her what the value was, after which she
gave them back to us!

Kate fetched Bill-Gates-clone live-in-lover. Told him to go buy another lock in
the hope that its key would fit this one. As if this was a microchip that just
needed replacing. No matter how Edgar tried to explain through door that doing that
was like a lottery she was convinced it would succeed.

By now Edgar was past shirty. He was getting mean. All my fault of course. But even
though I was concerned I was not frantic. So what? Get locked in a room which
has no burglar bars and is only one floor up. Fetch a ladder at the worst. Call
the fire-brigade, whatever. We'd get out soon. Meanwhile Kate decided it was
great to have a gossip through the door to Edgar. Like he really enjoys small talk,
but his manners hadn't submerged so badly that he ignored her. He kept up the
chat.

So I idly started looking around the room in detail. Like pulling back the
carpet and digging under the mattress. Stuff like that.

Whatever made me look under the bureau and twitch the carpet at the same time, I
do not know. Fey, maybe?

But there was a tiny twinkle from the gloom at the back, next to the loose
skirting board.

Voila! Reach out and grab for it.

THE KEY! The tiniest li'l key you ever saw. The kind that locks jewellery boxes.

Shrieks from me as I say: "Found it!"

Fit key in lock. Lock turns. Doors swings open. Kate beaming from the other
side. Goofy computer-nerd coming upstairs brandishing new unnecssary lock whose
key did not fit, as we foretold.

Fit-to-be-tied Edgar finished dressing and we had brekky and went sight-seeing.

Yesterday morning I was dropping Gareth off at school. It was quite early and
not many kids had arrived. The parking area in front of the entrance he uses
was deserted and I was able to park the car right at the gate.

So as he was unloading his stuff from the boot of the car I looked towards the
gate. It's just a pedestrian gate and has a key-code lock which the kids need to
punch-in before it unlatches.

In front of the gate on the cobbled area was an upset hen. A very upset hen.
She kept on dashing at the gate, turning back, dashing at it again, then turning
round in a little wobble and getting more upset.

Then she would wriggle down and try get her head under the gate, which was a
futile action. That little hen was too fat. So she tried squeezing through the
bars. No luck. Only her head went through.

I called Gareth and told him to hurry cos the hen needed help. So he kissed me
bye-bye and walked over to the gate. The hen backed off a bit but seemed to
realise that help was at hand cos she made a rush towards the gate as Gareth
punched in the access code.

Voila! The gate swung wide and Gareth held it open to let the hen through. She
gave a little shudder and charged through as if her tail was on fire! He laughed
and waved goodbye to me and disappeared from view.

I asked him last night what happened after he shut the gate. He said she went
racing as fast as her legs could take her, all the way across the lawn to the
classroom far in the distance, where all her little hen-pals were pecking away
at their breakfast.

There's only one thing funnier than an upset hen...and that's an upset WET
hen...lucky for her it wasn't raining too!

Oh dear....

Are you sure that today isn't Friday the Thirteenth?

Cos I also just had the worst morning.

As an idea of how bad....in the excuse letter for Gareth's school cos he
was late I said: "Please excuse Gareth for being late today. Everything
that could go wrong, did. Regards etc etc..."

Let me start.

Eloise still has the trots. The Pectrolyte is not working. Took her to Doc
last night in case of gastro. Not. But stronger meds.

Gareth tossed his cookies in the wee hours of this morning. Sobs and
tears. Change the bedding and a shower for him. And then Eloise woke
and whinged cos I couldn't give her formula due to the trots. Rooibos
got thrown back at me. She will only take rosehip tea.

Got up exhausted to discover that most of the fish in the tank are dead
and all three catfish on the bottom are all looking very happy and full,
having exercised their rights in the food chain. Water circulation pump
got air in it and suffocated the fish cos no oxygen got into the water.

As DH is leaving I spot him using the electric gate manually, rolling it
open...means gate is on the fritz and will have to be rolled open by
hand in the rain. See DH getting sodden doing this but he don't come
back into house to tell me. So wonder what he thinks...will I just notice
it or what. Get mad! Get real mad. Slam round house cursing Single
Married Motherhood and kick kitchen door shut, kick back door shut
then open then shut again (more splinters fall off where burglars got
technical...) DH gets fit of conscience and phones from snarled up
traffic to say gate is on the fritz. Thanks muchly. I kicked woodwork
for niks.

Had to make special bottles of rosehip tea for Eloise at creche cos no
formula allowed. So delayed that DH never got sarmies before he
left.(tough)

Instead of being ready at 7:20 we got into the car at 7:40. Where I
discovered Eloise had no extra clothes for creche. Back into house to
get some.

Taxi-driver style skills in use for trip to Gareth's school. Try write
excuse note while driving and also trying to see, while driving past
Morga's house, if the new cleaning lady was polishing the street number.

Realise with horror that I can't remember switching on alarm back home.

Dice with traffic to Eloise's creche to drop her off and leave a gazillion
instructions not to give her dairy products.

Skip through dead robots on DF Malan Drive to get back home and
check if alarm is on. Use gate manually again in rain. Dogs think I'm
burglar cos I'm coming through gate on foot instead of car. Wusses.

Alarm was on but better safe than cleaned out.

See with horror that I still haven't phoned reply to party invite for
Gareth tomorrow. Invite says bring costume and sunblock. Wonder
if scuba kit might be better plus some bread for lost ducks which
think all the world is their oyster now. Lie through teeth to li'l girl's
mom about only getting invite now (you know the drill), say Gareth
will be attending.

Check fish tank for more fatalities. None, but re-primed pump is
cleaning water again. What for? No residents except for three bulimic catfish!

Leave house. Go back out gate manually and padlock behind me.
Get funny looks from locals driving by. Why is that woman walking
out her gate like that? What is her car doing on pavement? Most
folks here DRIVE out their gates by means of remotes.

Traffic lights at intersection dead. Use taxi-driver skills to intimidate
Joburg-bus driver to let me through intersection.

Get to work at 9am.

Coffee.

Nervous breakdown.

Beg boss for leave in April.

Beg boss for raise.

Argue mathematics with him regarding my rate vs sub-editors'.

Am in the dark as to whether raise will come, but I have leave.....

I just have to tell you that I really liked all the good wishes for my birthday
yesterday! Being one-year-old IS special and I think I would like lots more
of these birthdays. You get to do such cool stuff.

Mommy made a big vanilla birthday cake for the grown-ups and a li'l one for me
to do candle blowing and a whole bunch of fairy cakes for the babies at school.
She put green icing on top and the li'l coloured ball-thingies that crunch on my
new teeth.

I ate cake the whole day and made mommy keep all that other muck away from me. I also drank lots of milk cos all that sweetness made me really thirsty.
But mommy realised it was my day and that's why she spoiled me like that.
I got a bit of a sore head by the end of the day and so mommy had to fix that
too. Then I was all smiles for daddy and Gareth after that.

Granny also came to visit a bit and I played and showed her how I walk along
furniture. Ouma in Natal phoned to say happy too, and I babbled nonsense
into the phone and grinned a lot when she said hello. Aunty Anna also called
and so did mommy's Aunty Moyra, I think she's my great-aunt.

I think it was a good birthday.

Today we are eating more of my cake at creche.

Lotsa love from Eloise.

I nearly cried when he went up on stage!

We sat through ages and ages of prizes and merit certificates and Most Neat Kid
and biggest Maths Brain and music and and and...

DH started to look at me as if teacher had conned us about the award. Then
they handed out the awards cups etc and that's when he got the "MOST
PROGRESS GRADE 1". Stumbled a bit going on stage but I clapped as hard as
I could while balancing Eloise on my arm (she was an angel AGAIN!!!).

He was given a book instead of a cup, which pleases me greatly because he'll
keep that book forever while the cups are kept at the school!

Afterwards when I went looking for him he looked at me as if "Is this OK,
mom?" and found himself completely overwhelmed by two parents who couldn't
stop yakking about how proud they were! I think it sank in then, just what he
had done, for himself and for us!

Plus the principal congratulated us personally, brag, brag! AND! It as the only
prize given for overall progress in Grade !. The rest were for specific
subjects! BRAG BRAG MORE!

Gotta go fetch him now from school. Break up day etc...

The only difference between a rut and a grave are the dimensions.
~ Patricia Swerda